nicole . 18 . usa .♥
I'm Nicole Antonia and am at my final stretch of weight loss. I've been obese all my life, with my heighest weight at 196 lbs. When I was 16 I started eating healthier and losing weight, and I'm now in the weight range of "healthy". However, I'm trying to shed off a little extra baggage for my arrival at college in London this September. I love photography, humor, Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake, Pokemon, and my best friend. I try to do this the healthy way, although some days I don't get up to the calories I need. And some days I get way over. But I've never purged, and have scared myself out of it. I have my cake and digest it too.
Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtiss Klause
♥ Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
- Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco
- On the Road by Jack Kerouac
♥ The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
- Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
- Just Listen by Sarah Dessen
Random blog entry, because I can. Mostly to rant, because I can't do it much anywhere else.
First of all though, my eating has been up and down xD I walk a lot though, normally at least 25 minutes a day, though yesterday was almost 2 hours that I walked. So I've basically been at about 9 stone for the past while... which is about 126 lbs, which is good :D But I'd like to be down to like.. 8.5 stone if I could. Or less. But most people have told me not to lose any weight xD
So my rant today is... well I live with 4 other girls. The girl I room with, Amanda, is wonderful. She's really great, and I'm glad we lucked out rooming together. The one girl Ashley is pretty nice, but she's sort of... hard to talk to I think. But then again, so am I. This is about the other two...
So basically, they're fake bitches who talk about people behind their backs and are mad weird with Amanda and shit. But that's not even much of a problem, I can deal with that. You'll always be around fake bitches, it's just going to happen. What I CANNOT handle is that:
1. They're slobs. 2. They're friends NEVER LEAVE.
I've never been much of a person for cleaning and stuff back home. But ever since I got here, I feel like I've been cleaning up after everyone, even if I didn't participate in eating the food or even if I wasn't even THERE that night that they had people over. The next morning I get home from David's place, and surprise surprise, there's a huge mess. Nothing is clean. No plates, utensils, glasses, pots, pans, nothing. Garbage all over the place. You get the gist. And okay, there's a certain amount of leeway you give a college student. So whatever, I'll wash a few things I need, use them, and go about my business. Do that, take my shower, go to class, come back, huge mess still there. The girls are just sitting there doing nothing. Um. *knock knock* Anyone home? Clean up your bloody mess! It's been 5 hours!
And god, they have these two friends who are ALWAYS HERE. I'm uncomfortable enough with just the two girls around, but then they have to have two other girls who make it even worse? They don't leave! They have their own place but they just stay here, most of the time they stay overnight! I can't escape! It seems like the only escape I have is David's house! I can't even cry in peace! I can't do ANYTHING in peace. I'm sick of this bullshit.
Not to mention the housing is crap anyway. I pay masses of money to stay at this flat, and its a pile of shit. Its not worth it.
I'm transferring out of the school, actually at the end of the year. Going either to Bucks or Bedfordshire, both of which are a bit north of London. AIU is a rip-off, and I even sort of knew it before I came here. I don't know what was going through my mind. But, whatever. I'll actually be saving money once I transfer.
Anyway, I'm pretty much done with this rant xD I'm so sick of this housing, that's all.
I guess I'm back :D For today at least. Well I'm in London now, and I guess it's only fair for me to show you some pictures! Haha, well one of me and David at least :]
I'm having a grand ole time, haha. I've been like under 9 stone lately, except for the days I eat tons (like yesterday). And 9 stone is 126lbs, so I'm doing well. Sometimes I feel its nice to not have much money, because then I end up not eating a lot. Or at least being really wise with what I buy. But lately I've been picking up Galaxy ice cream cones, and Cadbury bars. So I have to stop that habit. I should limit it to twice a week.
I haven't been counting calories though, which is a nice thing because I just feel out like, when it seems like I've eaten too much. Like yesterday, I ate waaaaaay too much. Like, binge status. A package of chocolate biscuit things (which had about 900 calories in the whole package), Pizza Hut, cereal, a Cadbury bar, etc. So I weighed myself in and I was at like 59-60 kg. So today is going to be a good day. I've eaten only cereal so far (it's 1PM here), and in about an hour or two I'll have some vegetable soup, which is about 130 calories for the whole can. And only 50p per can, haha! I think at Waitrose it's even cheaper though, which is odd because Waitrose is supposed to be more expensive than Tesco and Sainsbury.
Anyway, I'm mostly just rambling. I'm happy with where I am weight-wise. I need to do my hair so I can go pick up some dish soap though, so I'll try to comment around later x
Okay, not seriously, LOL. Its been a week since I posted, and this week has been fairly normal. Except for the fact that I didn't strictly count calories like I normally do, I just tried to make healthy choices and stuff. I have to say after this week... my weight didn't drop (of course ><), but it didn't go up either. I mean, I kept an estimation of the calories in my head, but normally I have everything exactly calculated, you know?
And I haven't been weighing myself every day either. But I weighed myself this morning and I'm the same weight as I have been for a while... 128.2. I weighed myself once in the middle of the week and it read 127.2, but I guess it went back up, probably because of the piece of Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake I had at the Cheesecake Factory last night! But I walked around a lot yesterday too, so that like... 1,100 calories was at least burned off a little.
So what is a gift from God? LOL. Tofu Shirataki.
An 8 oz bag (2 servings) is only 40 calories! :O I've heard of this stuff from Hungry-Girl.Com a while back and have always wanted to try it, so when my parents and I went to Whole Foods yesterday I made it my mission to pick up a couple packages. So I had this for lunch today as the Fettucini Girlfredo from HG, except I changed around the recipe quite a bit xD But the idea came out pretty deliciously! I didn't have fat-free sour cream (that stuff tastes like crap anyway) or reduced fat parmesan, and I think my Laughing Cow wedge was regular instead of light (but that's only like a 7 calorie difference if you're using a half-wedge). So I used the whole laughing cow wedge, normal fat parmesan, and a little bit of butter (like not even a teaspoon) for the sauce, and instead of just microwaving the noodles, I boiled them for 4 minutes. As that was going I melted the cheese mixture. Then after everything was done I just mixed it all together. The mixture looks like its not going to coat it all at first, but it actually does. I noticed the taste was kind of bland, so I put some garlic powder in it, plus the salt and pepper.
It was satisfying and pretty delicious :D The texture of the noodles is a little funky... like its chewier than normal pasta, but if you can get past that, then imagine being able to eat like twice as much pasta for a tiny fraction of the calories! :D
So you can find that stuff in like your health food stores like Whole Foods, maybe Trader Joe's or Wegmans, or most Asian markets I believe. I bought mine for $1.49 a package, so its a little expensive if you're going to eat the whole package at once.
So, anyway, I'm going to start counting calories again so that I can control myself better. I have tons of healthy snacks around the house right now so my snacks aren't going to be a whole bag of potato chips! More like a little 100-calorie pack of Swedish Fish or a 60-calorie cup of apple cinnamon applesauce.
I've been doing so terribly lately xD I'm trying not to be hard on myself though and I'm going to try to do well today. My breakfast was relatively large... I think around 250 calories, but I haven't put it into my iPod yet so I don't know the exact amount. Yesterday was weird with my intake.. because I think I ended up around 1,400 calories (sucky ><), but a lot of it was crap... I had a vegan cupcake for lunch, and later had a vegan cookie. I walked some of it off at the mall after dinner, but then I had a kids sized ice cream from Coldstone Creamery. It was delicious :D
Weirdly... a friend I went with told me I'm skinnier than her, which is bullshit xD She looks amazing in a swimsuit, and I look kinda crappy. Its sort of because of my body type. Its kind of large and weird so I feel like straight on I look larger than I am... but then from the side I look really thin xD I don't even know. I'm just rambling.
It feels so weird when you find out people you know and idolize as so skinny end up being around the same weight as you. It makes me also feel crappy because its like, bitch you look so good at that weight, and I look kinda bad. Everyone's bodies are different.. why was I cursed with such an odd one? Haha.
EDIT
Intake was bad today. And its not over yet, because I have my friend's sleepover tonight. Its going to be the last one before most of my friends go away for college. A lot of them have already left :[ But, whatever. I just know I'm going to eat a lot tonight, and tonight I'm just saying fuck it, let's go crazy.
But this is the last straw. I've really done so badly these past weeks, and it needs to stop. I need to stop "going easy on myself", because apparently that's not working for me anymore. I have 4 weeks left until I go to London, and I want to lose 5 lbs before then. Preferably more, but lets be realistic here. And healthy. Dur.
I feel like since I'm not really active on Xanga much, like posting around and commenting, I get away from eating well. So I need to start reading everyone's blogs again and commenting. I shall! And I shall run every dayyy and stop eating so many snacks, and keep my fiber consumption up and start eating more salads and vegetables. I want to jumpstart my diet with a few really low-cal days... Well like maybe 3 800-calorie days. And then jump right back into healthy eating. I feel like I need one of those purge-scares again, but I seem way too level headed now to get to the point where I'm hovering over a toilet trying to figure out if this is really something I should do. Kinda sucks that I got the sense knocked into me xD Because I need to be senseless for about 10 minutes, just enough to scare myself out of snacking so much. I don't know... I'm just going to go running tomorrow and not snack :D Or just snack a tiny bit.
Ughhh I feel sick >< But I'm slightly glad that I feel so crappy... 'cause its because I just binged on barbeque potato chips. Ahhhh my stomach hurtss! At least this will teach me not to binge for a while though.
Just when my weight was starting to go back to normal. I suck. But I have the rest of the day to do better, and tomorrow, etc etc.
