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shes glamorous
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+connect to this bitch
message this chic
nicole . 19 . usa .
♥
I'm Nicole Antonia and am at my final stretch of weight loss. I've been obese all my life, with my heighest weight at 196 lbs. When I was 16 I started eating healthier and losing weight, and I'm now in the weight range of "healthy". However, I'm trying to shed off a little extra baggage. I love photography, humor, Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake, Pokemon, and my best friend. I try to do this the healthy way, although some days I don't get up to the calories I need. And some days I get way over. But I've never purged, and have scared myself out of it. I have my cake and digest it too.
contact;
omg its a nicole
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progress.
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height: 5'5", large build
hw: 196.0
sw: 140.6
cw: 127.8
bmi: 21.3
gw: 120.0
last updated 8/7/09
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goals.
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[x] 138 lbs
[x] 136 lbs
[x] 134 lbs
[x] 132 lbs
[x] 130 lbs
[x] 128 lbs
[ ] 126 lbs
[ ] 124 lbs
[ ] 122 lbs
[ ] 120 lbs ♥
last updated 7/27/09
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reading list.
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Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtiss Klause
♥ Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
- Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco
- On the Road by Jack Kerouac
♥ The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
- Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
- Just Listen by Sarah Dessen
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| So I haven't gone running since before I left for England... sooo about 6/7 months? I decided to start back into it, especially since its so much nicer now. The reason why I didn't run in England was because I kept forgetting to bring back my running shoes, and I didn't have the money to buy a new pair. I should have asked for that for Christmas, but dunno. Forgot.
Anyway, the actual run went terribly. I couldn't run the majority of it because my lungs now don't have any endurance. But you know what, I went out there, which is good because I've basically been sitting in the house all day for the past couple days.
Well... when I got back to my house, I found that I was locked out and I hadn't brought my keys or my phone with me. So I basically walked all over the town trying to find a DPW truck so if my dad wasn't in the truck, I could have them call him and get him to my house. I don't know why I didn't just walk to a friend's house and use their phone, but I didn't. Anyway, this went on for a bit more than an hour xD So I did MASSIVE amounts of walking, which I mean, I can't complain. Even though by the end I was dehydrated, hungry, and wanting to lie down, because I like to run on an empty stomach otherwise I feel like I'm going to vomit.
Well I'm finally home, and all I've had today was a cup of grapes, which isn't really good just because I'm trying to be healthier, and not just calorie conscious. Like, I'm trying to follow the food pyramid to the best of my abilities, even if that means I might be eating over 1200 calories. I figure if I eat a very well balanced diet, then I'll feel better and the weight will just come off as it sees fit. Instead of just eating whatever won't put me over 1200 calories..
So, my walking outtake figured to 315 calories. I'll have some real food after I take my shower...
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| Over the past year I've become aware of something in me that I never really thought I was prone to. I know I can be prone to binges at times, but I never really linked it with my emotions. Emotional Eating is something that, now that I know is there, I can work on and help prevent.
I think its started up more since starting uni. When I'm sitting in my flat alone the only thing that's stopping me from eating when I'm upset is my budget, but when I'd find that my budget is looser than usual, I tend to eat much more than I should. I mean, I love food. It's one of my favourite things about living, in fact. I love trying new spices and flavor combinations and eating things that I know are good. Pasta with a creamy, spicy tomato sauce? Yes please. Vegetable madras? Be right there. Definitely the biggest trigger food for me is spicy types.
But I've noticed a trend of me becoming immensely upset, and in uni, running to the convenience store across the street for a package of Oreo's or Fox's Vanilla Cremes so I can eat basically the whole package and feel "comforted", even though by the end of it, I feel anything but comfortable. I mostly feel even more depressed, bloated, and gross.
I'm proud of myself, however, because last night I didn't give in to it. I had an argument with my boyfriend and we both left upset, and all I wanted to do for the hours after that was go into my refrigerator and go for that tub of chocolate pudding that I know is sitting there. I woke up this morning realising I had never gone downstairs. And I'm really happy about that :) I feel massively better too, emotionally.
So I'm about to go downstairs now and make myself breakfast, and I'm very happy about that. I guess I just needed some time to work through my emotions rather than eat through them. I need to remember this for the next time I get upset and feel the urge to binge.
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| Okay, so I was doing okay, and during the week I was 136, but I binged pretty badly last night, so I'm back up lol. I'm going to do much better this week, though. I woke up too late for breakfast, about 10:30, so I waited for 12 to come around to have food.
intake
b: skipped
l: protein shake (330)
d: tba
s: tba
outtake
- *planned* 50 minutes walking (-204)
total so far: 330 / 1200
I desperately need to find a job. I just applied to Macy's, and I'm going to try ShopRite, as many of my friends have jobs there. Then I'll try some of the restaurants around. Thing is, I need something where they're going to be flexible with me for when David comes. Otherwise, I'll just quit lol. I'm not going to work 40 hours a week while David is here xD I won't be able to see him then.
I just hope I find something. I'm pretty good for timing, as summer jobs probably aren't taken up by all the university students. I just have to get something soon.
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| So yeah, I'm past the incredible shock of the day. Didn't eat well either. But I did go out and bought my protein powder and ingredients to make a really good protein shake. Bananas, honey, flax seed oil, soy milk, and the protein powder. Okay, it's like, incredibly calorie-rich, about 400 calories for what I made. But it DOES have tons of vitamins and protein and such. I'll probably eat it as a brunch every day instead of having breakfast and lunch.
Had one today, tasted quite good. I mashed up a banana, added a scoop of soy protein powder, 8 oz soy milk, 1/2 tbsp of flax seed oil, 1/4 tsp vanilla, and a tablespoon of honey into the blender and let it go for like a minute. Turned out really nice. Felt really light, and wasn't overly sweet. I might actually omit the honey, though, and see if I'm okay with that, as the honey adds some unnecessary calories.
We'll see how it all works.
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| So, guess what? Weighed myself today and THAT'S my weight. I gained 10 lbs over the last couple months. Of course, some of this might be food weight from the past couple days as I haven't eaten well, plus I'm on my period. Doesn't change anything though, I need to lose weight, and fast. I can't believe I let myself gain 10 lbs >< FML.
Hokay well I'm home, so I'll be going crazy on myself for the next few weeks until I'm back to where I should be. I need to start running again, or at least walking.
I'm actually quite disgusted with myself. I hate it so much. I just want to be 125 again :(
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